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If you’ve been curious about my whereabouts, I’m happy to report that, in true Pisces fashion, I return to this newsletter wholly transformed. I’m days away from launching my life’s work: a Black art reference library called The Reading Room (hence the renaming of this newsletter). As I barrel into my favorite season, I’m using this safe distance from 2022 to reflect on how much things have changed and what’s in store for 2023:
The start of last year saw me at my darkest point. A tidal wave of seasonal depression, anxiety, childhood trauma, and remnants of heartbreak nearly wiped me out. But as the saying goes, “I’m a bad b*tch; you can’t kill me.” With the support of my friends, my neighborhood cycling studio, and the blessing of new love, I worked toward bouncing back. I had ambitious plans for my writing, but the dysfunction and stress of my 9-5 continued to pile up and made it difficult for me to show up for myself.
By the summer, I had checked out of my day job and became one of Houston’s rising underground DJs. My stage name, DOUBLEDUTCH, was ringing all over the city and the turnout to my shows started to spike. After the debut of my Boiler Room set in May, my dance party PHYSICAL THERAPY (PT) celebrated its first anniversary during Juneteenth weekend. I went viral twice in July, causing the party’s online community to jump from 998 people that month to 5,500+ today. With this increase in visibility came a deep hesitation around writing and thinking publicly. I went into survival mode as I parsed between my quickly evolving inner and outer selves. Writing full-time for a magazine and being forced to respond to things I didn’t have the bandwidth to process threatened to ruin my relationship with writing forever. So, I fell into the rhythm of working just enough to keep my checks regular.
As the year progressed and producing news listicles became more exhausting, I found refuge in everything but writing. I made playlists, took weekly trips to Sephora, danced, watched Everything Everywhere All At Once on repeat, ignored my email, blasted RENAISSANCE every morning, danced some more, made love, returned to Beyoncé’s old rehearsal footage for motivation, made PT business official and bought an iPad to keep myself inspired.
Fall ushered in an era of shedding. Freshly laid off but high from my first major brand partnership with Spotify, I knew my independence had truly arrived. I realized it was time to build and share the project I mulled over for the almost two years that I’d been back down South. Although navigating the pressure and politics of visibility made me put my guard up, it’s also helped me develop a more resilient and unrelenting approach to self-preservation. It has sharpened my vision for the future. I ended 2022 a full-blown creative entrepreneur who birthed a highly coveted safe space for all Black folks to feel free. And in doing so, I managed to truly free myself.
2023 is the year of the pivot. It’s the year of deepening community through third places, returning to writing, world travel, working smarter, stacking chips, and bringing The Reading Room to life.
Next week, on the final day of Black History Month, I will share this labor of love: a special collection of books and objects that culminate almost a decade of my work across the realms of art, music and media. From its digital format to the (future) physical space in Houston, this project is my commitment to Black joy/survival/study/leisure made manifest. No matter where you are in the world, I hope you enjoy all the musings, recommendations and research to come.
Read more about The Reading Room and the direction for this newsletter here. Happy Pisces szn. Don’t be afraid to feel. <3
With love,